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Skyrim Jokes

What's the fastest way to destroy ragged trousers by peasants and common folk all around Skyrim?
Dragon Attacks.

-Why did the Dragonborn travel to the top of High Hrothgar?
To find out what the Fus was about.

I wanted to bet Anoriath the Butcher $50 that he couldn’t reach the meat off the top of his stall.
He replied “no, the steaks are too high.”

Why did the skeleton go to the burial crypts alone?
Because he couldn’t find anybody to go with him.

Why doesn’t the people of Tamriel have firearms?
Because the Flame Atronachs already have firearms.

I like to pickpocket the bards.
They have the best lute.

Why didn’t the Khajiit go in Whiterun?
Because he went Elsweyr.

What crime is it when a Spriggan kills his own race?

What is the name of a Dark Elf’s sword? Dullmer.

A bandit sees a giant for the first time, then he became a part of the Nordic Space Program.

Guard: “Hey, wait, I know you.” Dragonborn: *doesn’t respond and leaves* Guard: “I’ll take my leave then.”

How many fingers does a Dragonborn have?
Four fingers and a Thu’um.

Where’s is the best place for introverts to live in Skyrim?

Why did the Redguard have a broken foot?
Because his Hammerfell.

I used to be an adventurer like you, then I stepped on a Lego.

What’s a Daedra’s favorite band?
Mehrunes 5.

How does the Falmer meet potential partners?
They go on blind dates.

How do you greet a group of dragons?
How y’Alduin?

What armor is good for thieves?
Hide armor.

The mighty Dragonborn got rich from looting and exploring dungeons and ancient tombs.
He urned his fortune.

Lydia carries most of my alcohol.
She’s sworn to carry my Bourbon.

Roses are red, Glenmoril Witches carries a feather. Certain types of vegetables grow faster in cold weather.

The Thalmor always know the whys, whats, whens, and who’s. Khajiits have the wares.

The Dragonborn asked a guard in Markarth if he knew the alphabet. At first he said, “no.” The Dragonborn started to walk away. Then the guard said, “Wait, I know U.”

Have you seen the produce from farmers of Hammerfell?
They have curved gourds! Curved. Gourds.

What do the true sons and daughters of Skyrim wear?
A Stormcloak.

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Stuck trying to find yet another reason to groan after Thanksgiving dinner? This site is dedicated to those hallowed jokes which have been passed down from generation to generation, reliving that cherished moment when dad tells a joke everyone has heard. While hilarious dad jokes have been an anonymous labor of love for generations, they finally started to get the respect they deserve. They are mentioned on National TV. How bout 'dat?

Straight from the mouth of the man himself, here are a collection of clean dad jokes ready for your use. Simply page through the dad jokes list until you find one you like and let it rip. We've even started assembling a few special collections for specific occasions. I mean, he is the source of the funniest golf jokes ever. At least as long as it is his car we're trying to borrow for date night.

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My name is Ozymandias, king of kings: Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!'